IT’S AN INSIDE JOB

I have seen that my experience of the universe, the earth the sun and the stars, and all that goes on around them and on them—all of this is contained in me. It’s all part of my consciousness. Knowing this makes me both sigh in relief and feel a shiver run up my spine. It’s comforting to know that everything I witness going on around me, is really just "me" in disguise. The world, and all around it, is my vision of how things are. As Maharishi says, "the world is as we are." Our own state of being creates our perception of things.

The part that’s scary is that what this means is that in a sense I am also my own High Power—my own God. I know this seems like a contradiction, but the more I learn of life, the more I learn there is more to learn. And one thing I am learning is that there are contradictions—at least there are for me. And I just have to allow them to exist, to accept them. Everything in life cannot be put in neat little boxes. It seems people like me like to do that—to line things up in rows in order to simplify and make sense of things. Sometimes when I don’t, there is too much chaos and, at least for me, too much chaos means I get a headache!

But the reality is, the bigger part of our Nature, that is Nature with a capital "N", is what is REALLY in control whether we perceive it as part of us or not. An example that comes to mind is flying over Florida, you see how developers make streets in an orderly fashion and how neatly they divide up the lots along the streets. The whole thing looks even and nice. But then what happens? Hurricane Andrew comes along and moves it all around! Our bigger Nature, our Higher Power shows whom is really in charge here. But, what is interesting is that Higher Power is part of me as well.

Last night, on the way to a book signing, my small self was busy imagining a huge turn out. I’d done my homework, I thought. The store had publicized the event, sent out cards. There was a big poster of me just inside the door. But what happened was the US troops in Iraq toppled a statue of Saddam Hussein and everybody in America became glued to their television watching Saddam fall, over and over. The store manager called to tell me this. The store had had no traffic all afternoon. When I called her just as I was leaving home, she warned me not to expect anybody to show up.

But alone in my car, the place where many of us do most of our thinking, I tried to visualize what the turnout was going to be like. There were at least 50 or 75 people at my last signing. I walked in to an audience eager to hear me speak! So why wouldn’t I find the same sort of crowd awaiting me at my second?

Well, as much as my small self imagined it, my bigger Self walked into the store to meet with reality. I walked in and found a single couple—delightful people—the Wards. The store manager introduced them as "My new best friends." We engaged in a lively conversation—along with Lee Fleming, Stanley Thompson and Jack Disbrow, all loyal old friends who showed up late.

Learning to believe in my big Self—the Higher Power inside me—is something I have to do over and over again. It is all about acceptance: learning that the War in Iraq is part of me, and so are the people watching it on television that didn’t show up at my book signing.

What keeps things interesting is that my internal God always seems to be one step ahead of me. But the more I begin to let go and accept every circumstance as just another part of the puzzle that is me, the calmer—the happier—I become.