FEELING LIKE A CHARACTER IN THE BOOK OF LIFE

I suddenly realized last night that writing my daily journal has changed me. It has made me feel like I am a character in a book. Strange but true. These past two months or so of writing my journal has helped me to see myself. It feels like I have opened a book and am looking at my life in between two hard covers. That’s it, exactly! Writing makes me feel that I am witnessing what is going on in my life. It’s like I’m watching it as it unfolds.

I am feeling more conscious than ever—more awake—and I know this is a result of the practice of writing things down. It’s part of the practice of keeping track, of noticing. And what I’ve noticed is this: it is the practice of writing down which creates the experience of witnessing. Where, before only the subject existed, now there is both the writer and his subject. So now, from my new-found perspective, I can keep an eye on myself. Watching what I’m doing, might be a better way to say it.

This is an amazing feeling! It is a feeling of no longer being connected to the body. There is me and there is Me. I am both. In actuality, I am truly only the Me with the capital "M". But, at the same time, there is also a great delight in seeing the other, small me, acting in his play—I say "his" because this life truly seems to be a play of his own making…but that’s another subject for another time.

Now, since this has started to happen, life is much more fun. It is even fun writing about it! This is because there is no longer attachment to actions. It’s as if I don’t care anymore. Strangely, I DO care—more than ever—about doing the right thing—but there is no attachment to what I’m doing, no feeling of worry about succeeding or not succeeding! I’m free of that. It’s more like play than work.

Suddenly, I see why I’ve been journalling steadily for these past couple of months—and, off and on, for my whole life. It is to see myself. It’s like holding up a mirror in front of my face. It’s a reminder of who I am. How cool is that? By sharing my thoughts with myself anyone can be sharing my experience. But that’s just an extra-added attraction. That experience is someone else, another human, connecting with my humanness. What is really happening here is me watching me be me!

Now I understand what Maharishi meant when he surveyed a room filled with two or three hundred people and laughed when he told us we were all enlightened. We were—we just didn’t know it yet.